The Effects of Divorce on Families

Other than the death of a parent, divorce is the most devastating blow that families can suffer. Since roughly half of all first marriages end in divorce, children are also directly impacted by their parents' divorce. Their reactions vary by gender and age at the time of divorce, but studies going back as far as 80 years indicate that divorce can have a lasting negative effect on the children of divorce. They are likely to feel insecure, experience loss of self-esteem, act out in antisocial ways, do poorly in school or even drop out, have difficulties relating to their peers, become runaways or be incarcerated, and be unable to form stable adult relationships.

These effects can be mitigated if the parents will cooperate to put the best interests of their children first. Conflicts are inevitable, but how they are handled can make all the difference. Parents should avoid arguing in front of their children if at all possible. They should avoid name-calling and blaming, stick to one issue instead of dragging in every issue they've ever had, and above all, not let the argument degenerate into physical violence. After an argument, they should apologize to one another in front of their children and be civil to show the children that conflicts can be peacefully resolved.

Children do best when their custodial parent is a strong authority figure and when their parents can agree to maintain the same set of rules in both households regarding such issues as bedtime, forbidden foods, and appropriate activities, such as which TV programs they are not allowed to watch. This gives children a sense of continuity and security. It's also important for parents not to make negative comments about each other or use the children as messengers between them.